The myth that is 'perfectionism'

Perfectionism doesn't make anything perfect.

There, I said it. Don't believe me? Well let's take a look at the definition:

Perfectionism - 2. a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less. (Thanks to dictionary.com)

If perfectionism rejects anything less than perfect, it naturally follows that it doesn't *make* anything perfect. Instead, it simply rejects it. Now, in reality this creates an awkward problem, or tendency, in perfectionists.

"I can't do it perfectly. So instead, I won't do it at all!"

A common situation for perfectionists to be in - I know I used to (and up to a certain extent still do) operate like that.

Several other problems arise because of this - not getting the desired results, not fulfilling your potential, being bored because hobbies aren't useful or perfect (so you might as well not do it)... and we could make this list much, much longer if we wanted to.

So what do we do to fix it? Hmm, I think we shouldn't even try to fix this, because that approach just brings us right back to being perfectionists (oh the vicious circle!). Instead, we might want to try to give up. But... in a different way than the 'I can't do it so I won't do it at all'-perfectionist way.

Fun.

It should be about fun. Life, learning, relationships, hobbies. Everything should be about fun (or if you dislike the word fun (another perfectionist tendency I'm afraid) try substituting it by 'interesting')!
Now I would like to avoid simply copying what has been said before, so I will just point all you language learners and other perfectionists to Khatzumoto over at AJATT. He has written loads of good articles about fun and (language) learning. His style might be a bit too rude/direct for some of us, but it is a passionate blog - so be sure to take a look.

(These are focussed on learners of Japanese, however the advice given is useful for learning any language... or learning in general.)
Eat your dessert first.
No fun, no good

Now why am I writing this article now, on a Sunday morning when I could probably do something more useful? (But I won't, because writing this is fun, and fun is important!) Well, I just made a discovery. (Or I did yesterday.)

I have been learning Japanese for the past 3 years, and while I'm far from fluent, I do consider myself to be at the intermediate level. I do get discouraged at times though, and - being the perfectionist I am - feel like giving up. (But also like the perfectionist I am, I realise I've spent too many hours on this language, and love it too much, to give up now.) Why? Because at times like those, I'm not having fun.

Yesterday however, I was watching Durarara!! (anime) and halfway through the episode I suddenly realised "I'm actually enjoying this." It made me smile, and made me realise that I had made watching anime (or Japanese movies and drama series) into something I had to do to learn Japanese. Not to watch it for its entertainment value - no, simply to beat myself up over how many words I still didn't understand, over how many sentences I would miss completely because my eyes would just glaze over and my brain would just tell me "Overload. Japanese is not English so I don't get it."

But watching that episode, I got into the actual story for once, and wondered what Ryugamine meant when he told the girl she had to "自首" herself to the police. So for the first time in months, I got out my "Kanji sono mama" DS dictionary to look up what じしゅ meant. And after that I wanted to know what 反省 was - for the same reason. Not because I necessarily wanted to learn more words at that point, I just wanted to know what Ryugamine was talking about, because I wanted to understand the story, nothing more and nothing less.
(Yes I did add those words to Anki, but I think I won't forget them anyway - not when having fun and wanting to understand it like that.)

And, to end on a study-related note... What does this chatting about fun mean for assignments you have to do for school/university/college? Well, it depends. I guess for me it means that when I have to do an assignment that is just plain boring and won't teach me anything new, I'll just try to do it well - but not perfectly - and carry on with the next thing that is interesting or fun. If it is a big assignment that seems boring, I try to find any fun/interesting aspects it might have.

To make this a bit more 'real'. For me it meant that when I feel I 'hate' grammar, I actually do some research at a ridiculous level. If that means reading about (un)ergative verbs when I don't even know what the words transitive and intransitive mean... well, so be it. (I do know now - simply because I wanted to know what (un)ergative verbs are. - oh and yes, don't laugh at me for not knowing the words transitive and intransitive after 3 years of Japanese - I understand the concept, I didn't know the words... oops)) Dive into the really specific, geeky, completely-useless-for-your-current-level bits of the topic you have to learn about... if that is what makes it fun to you. And after that go back to what you actually have to do, it might seem easier and more fun/interesting. (If that doesn't work for you, try to find something else that *IS* fun about the topic. It can be ridiculously easy too!)

Hard to summarise, but I suppose the best I can do (not perfect, by the way!) is
"Embrace what is less than perfect, and make it work for you by having fun."

Next post: How to cure boredom